Stepping Out

Sometimes I sit here in my desk at work and have an overwhelming urge to just leave. To just step out into this BIG world God made and not ever come back.

I just want to do MORE. And right now, I don't know what the more is. But I know myself. And I know that I am capable of more. I know that I am capable of doing things that I see others doing.

I find it curious the little things I remember my parents telling me as I was growing up. I probably shouldn't find them curious so much as realize that God wanted me to know and remember those things. I remember once my dad telling me that when I wanted something bad enough I could find a way to make it happen. And I know this sounds like a pretty general piece of advice. But I'm pretty confident he wasn't giving me another piece of advice. I'm pretty sure he was talking about ME. I'm pretty sure he was telling me that when I know there is something that I want, I am capable of figuring out and bring to fruition whatever it is I want. ...I know I put a lot of "I's" in there but I want to emphasize the point that it was personal.

So for right now I am waiting. And praying. I cannot tell you how many times I forget that all we need to do is ask and God will hear us. So instead of just sitting around and wondering what MORE is out there, I am just going to ask God what MORE is out there and trust that he is going to show me.

confessions

I have recently discovered a couple blogs that I love and the authors happen to be sisters: jasmine star and bianca juarez. They recently posted some confessions and I thought maybe I might throw out a few:

• while at a youth camp for my church, i slapped my brother in the face so hard he had to tuck his head between his legs so he wouldn't cry. i cannot even begin to put into words how bad that still makes me feel.
• i spent my 21st birthday laying in bed in my dorm room while at the university of memphis. i hated being there and all my friends were at home. those were the hardest two years of my entire life.
• i skipped a lot of class my senior year of high school. although they weren't really the important classes. so hopefully that makes it better.
• i feel i did not live up to my potential in school at all. high school or college. and i wish i knew then what i know about myself now. it would completely change what i studied in college.
• sometimes i feel like my job makes me numb to emotions i should be feeling. there's a song that says, "i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." and i think i understand that.
• you could argue i buy too many clothes. and i might agree with you on some days. but i know it is a fact i buy too many books. if you compare the amount of money i have spent on clothes with the amount i have spent on books, there is no contest. books will win.
• i need God in a way i have never needed him before. the past two years of my life have really had some backlash i didn't even realize until i actually had time to slow down and look at my life.

hope you enjoyed these and maybe you learned something new about me.