What I've Been Missing

I had no idea how much I was being encouraged by my daily blog readings until I stopped reading them. 


I have felt like I've been hitting a brick wall over and over again for the past few weeks. I have made some pretty big changes in my life and the changed has proven to be a struggle in that I have fallen out of a daily routine. I no longer get up, go to work and then completely ignore my work for the first 30 minutes (well, let's be honest, most of the day...) while I read specific blogs that give me so much encouragement. I am not a coffee drinker, but these blogs were the equivalent to my morning cup of coffee and I had no idea... None of these people know that I read their blogs on a daily basis, but they are my own community and without them my life is not the same. 


So even though I am pretty sure none of these people will ever see this, I still want to say thank you...


(In)Courage

In The Name of Love

Jasmine Star

Sarah Markley

Jon Acuff

Chatting at the Sky

Donald MIller

Anne Jackson

Holley Gerth

the Journey

experiencing the real thing

For many, including myself, this very weekend is considered a time to mourn the death of Jesus Christ and celebrate his resurrection three days later. New dresses and shirts and ties are purchased. Family and friends gather for good food and time spent together. Eggs are hidden and little children pepper the yard to find the little treasures hidden inside.

But these three days. Do we really even have the ability to begin to fathom the depth of pain and heights of joy the close family and followers of Christ experienced all those years ago? I cannot answer that. I cannot even begin to fathom the pain I would feel in my heart to loose someone some close to me in such a way. My church does a passion play this time of year. My brother plays Jesus. Now, the followers of Christ didn't have the hindsight to see what the death on the cross would actually mean to the world. They only saw it as a confusing loss. But being able to see the act portrayed now and know what it means, if you really think about it, is heartbreaking. Especially if that person playing Jesus is your brother. Your own flesh and blood. Watching him carry a cross down an aisle and 'die' on a cross.

I know it doesn't compare. I know it can only represent a small inkling of what it was actually like. But when you experience that inkling of pain, of seeing someone so close to you being treated like that. Being hung on a cross, even though he didn't deserve it. Even putting the experience into words is hard. But it breaks your heart. I can't imagine experiencing the real thing.

A few other blogs I have found inspiring this weekend:

Loss & Resurrection and The Comma.

Stepping Out

Sometimes I sit here in my desk at work and have an overwhelming urge to just leave. To just step out into this BIG world God made and not ever come back.

I just want to do MORE. And right now, I don't know what the more is. But I know myself. And I know that I am capable of more. I know that I am capable of doing things that I see others doing.

I find it curious the little things I remember my parents telling me as I was growing up. I probably shouldn't find them curious so much as realize that God wanted me to know and remember those things. I remember once my dad telling me that when I wanted something bad enough I could find a way to make it happen. And I know this sounds like a pretty general piece of advice. But I'm pretty confident he wasn't giving me another piece of advice. I'm pretty sure he was talking about ME. I'm pretty sure he was telling me that when I know there is something that I want, I am capable of figuring out and bring to fruition whatever it is I want. ...I know I put a lot of "I's" in there but I want to emphasize the point that it was personal.

So for right now I am waiting. And praying. I cannot tell you how many times I forget that all we need to do is ask and God will hear us. So instead of just sitting around and wondering what MORE is out there, I am just going to ask God what MORE is out there and trust that he is going to show me.

confessions

I have recently discovered a couple blogs that I love and the authors happen to be sisters: jasmine star and bianca juarez. They recently posted some confessions and I thought maybe I might throw out a few:

• while at a youth camp for my church, i slapped my brother in the face so hard he had to tuck his head between his legs so he wouldn't cry. i cannot even begin to put into words how bad that still makes me feel.
• i spent my 21st birthday laying in bed in my dorm room while at the university of memphis. i hated being there and all my friends were at home. those were the hardest two years of my entire life.
• i skipped a lot of class my senior year of high school. although they weren't really the important classes. so hopefully that makes it better.
• i feel i did not live up to my potential in school at all. high school or college. and i wish i knew then what i know about myself now. it would completely change what i studied in college.
• sometimes i feel like my job makes me numb to emotions i should be feeling. there's a song that says, "i'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." and i think i understand that.
• you could argue i buy too many clothes. and i might agree with you on some days. but i know it is a fact i buy too many books. if you compare the amount of money i have spent on clothes with the amount i have spent on books, there is no contest. books will win.
• i need God in a way i have never needed him before. the past two years of my life have really had some backlash i didn't even realize until i actually had time to slow down and look at my life.

hope you enjoyed these and maybe you learned something new about me.

Loves of My Life

"...to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people...That is why God tells us so many times to love each other."

"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened."

"No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath... We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it?"

"It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things"

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her."

~All quotes from various works of Donald Miller

Happy V-Day ...A day late

I want to say thank you to my sweet husband who got me such a great Valentine's gift! We went to Green Life one night and across the parking lot is an art gallery and I've always loved theses pictures:

I got this one and one that says "Live" -

I told Michael I wanted to be able to make my own but the only letter I have been able to find is a "T" made out of a telephone pole. And those aren't so unique.

Half of My Heart

I cannot think of a better way to have spent the night:

Heartbreak Warfare
Crossroads
No Such Thing

Vultures
Bigger Than My Body

Perfectly Lonely
Assassin

3x5
Comfortable

Waiting on the World to Change
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

Half of My Heart

Why Georgia

Gravity

Who Says

Say